22 3 / 2012
Before you email me with your accusations, please note that I have also been known to forget my age; and the chance that I will remember your name on our first meeting is non existent. I also don’t dry off when I get out of the shower (I just wrap up in my towel and drip, but that is a different blog for a different day).
My husband gets to put up with all of this; and he also gets the privilege of bringing my work keys to me because I regularly leave the house without them. I forget things about as much as a normal person goes to the grocery store or vacuums their carpet.
Remember when you were little and you would get to push the cart but then you would accidentally ram it into your mom’s heels and she would get really mad?
My husband and I got married in Hawkes Bay area NZ. It was a small ceremony that included a priest, his mother, his father and his sister. We eloped in a sense, meaning that my dad, step mother and family had no idea what I was doing in New Zealand on some sunny Tuesday in March two years ago (I still get lectured by my husband who is still upset that he didn’t get to ask my father’s permission).
Don’t judge me. You don’t know my dad. The man has a temper. He would either be happy about it (which he was) or completely pissed (which he wasn’t). And you never know. Every time I do something risky, there is literally a 50/50 chance when betting on his reaction. And there is no middle ground. It is ANGRY or HAPPY. Those are your options.
I mean I came home with an extra earring in college and judging by my parents’ overreaction you would have thought that I came home seven months pregnant with a five pack a day addiction.
What they apparently THOUGHT I had done:
What I actually did:
My dear friend and I went shopping for my dress at Kohls before I left (Yes, I bought my wedding dress at Kohls. It was like $20; and it was the first one that I tried on. It was cute so we both figured, “Yeah. This’ll work,” and then we went out for a beer, or seven). I used my late mother’s wedding ring, bought the groom a wedding band at a local jewelers, found an orange poppy bouquet at a flower shop down the street from his mum’s (it was the last one for sale), I did my hair in his parent’s bathroom, he called a priest from a private school that he attended (NZ private schools come with a priest and a church), and we literally managed to plan a wedding and tie the knot in less than a week.
No longer single… Check!
Want a quick wedding in less than a week? Call me. I can totally make it happen. Mention this column and you won’t have to invite me after I help you. Forget to mention it, and its on! I’m an awesome wedding guest. There’s going to be an open bar, right?
And finally, this random thought process has led up to an excuse for my forgetfulness. You wondered where I was going with this, didn’t you? Well, wonder no more!
I was travelling A LOT with my job at the time. I had just gotten back to the states from Switzerland and I flew into Denver from Switzerland, flew out to Auckland and then to Napier, got married and flew home to get ready to fly somewhere else that I can’t really remember right now.
I was in a bit of an exhausted daze during the entire thing. Not to mention the time difference: We got married, I flew out the next day, which was the next day in New Zealand but our wedding day in the USA. When I got home, it had been two days since our wedding, but in the USA, according to the date, it had happened yesterday. … Yeah. Ponder that over a joint with Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson.
Forgetting my anniversary can easily be written off as jet lag, or too much time spent with Snoop and Will (my boyz).
My husband finds the fact that I can’t remember the exact day that we got married HILARIOUS. In fact, he finds himself laughing at most of my attempts to remember things.
Which brings us to my usual comparison of a New Zealand male vs an American female: An American woman would freak out if her husband forgot their anniversary on a regular basis. A kiwi guy finds it to be an incredibly entertaining phenomenon. They are very laid back in general.
Anyway, Happy Anniversary, Husband. I have now looked up the official date on Facebook; and I know when it is. I’m ready. Are you?
Better freakin be. Its our Anniversary, damn it.
Signing his life away. Sucker.